I cannot say enough good things about their little school, or their whole preschool experience, at least so far. They are all in the same class....so with only twelve kids total, we are a quarter of the class! They have loved it since day one. Who are these big, brave girls? Just a year ago they'd cling to my legs everywhere we went. Now they march off to their classroom with their backpacks on and don't look back. In fact, only one of us cried on the first day of school....and it wasn't any of the four-year-olds.
At first it was pretty strange, even a little unnerving, to come home to an empty house every time I dropped them off. But no worries...I've adjusted pretty quickly! Now preschool mornings seem to go by way too fast.
In some ways this new stage of life is bittersweet, but there's definitely a lot of sweet. One of the sweetest is how the Lord is showing me his faithfulness, even when I am not faithful. I've lived with the illusion of control for so long, at home in our "safe" little bubble. I've been able to hide behind the busyness and chaos. I've tried to find my identity and purpose in how I feel like I'm doing as a mom and how my kids are making me look (possibly life's greatest exercise in futility). I've chosen distractions over God, then run from him in guilt over doing so.
But at a time in my life when I've really struggled with doubt, he has shown me that he is good, that he is faithful, and that he is for me. We sing a song at church that says something like, "If he had not loved me first, I would refuse him still." (Don't quote me on that.) And it feels like the story of my life. Yet he doesn't let me keep refusing him. He draws me back to himself. When everything is changing and nothing else is satisfying, he keeps showing me that he is enough. Because I'm so incredibly dense and forgetful and fickle, I have trouble believing it sometimes. (Maybe even a lot of the time.) But the truth that he keeps bringing to my mind and heart is this: Christ is enough for me.
(That's a definite song quote! You should listen to it. Christ is Enough. Hillsong. Go play it now! You'll be glad you did!)
